Own your style and stop letting your woman take responsibility for it.
If you're in a relationship, do you dress yourself or does your woman dress you? If you're dressing yourself, good work I'm proud of you man! If you're letting her dress you, you need to stop. This article is about why you should stop it.
Heads-up: before you read this, if you'd like to listen to the audio podcast version of this article, that's available here.
Here are some of the problems:
1. Your woman should be supportive, but she shouldn’t be responsible for your style or your wardrobe.
The reason why is because she's got her own things to worry about. She’s got her own style, her job, personal responsibilities, and if you both have kids, she’s likely to care even less about what’s good for your style. If she really cares about you, she's going to give you the space to do this on your own.
2. She doesn't want this responsibility.
One of my clients came to me as a referral from his wife. She said to me, “Sean, my husband doesn't know how to dress himself. I'm having to pick shirts out for him even though I don't care, and he doesn't know what looks good. So, when he’s picking stuff out, he's always asking me for my opinion and I end up making the decision for him. I'm just I'm fed up with it and I don't want to spend the time on this. We've got two kids, we've got other things that we have to worry about the last thing in my mind is figuring out what clothing he should be wearing. This is on him.”
3. If your woman has too much control or is too involved in this process, this starts to create a mother/son dynamic.
Some argue that she’ll start to see you more of a child rather than a partner and neither of you guys want this. You don't want to be seen as the man-child who's got his woman taking care of every single part about you, being that motherly figure. You clean the house. She cleans the house; it's a partnership. You guys work together on that stuff, but there are some chores that are yours. The same should be done for your wardrobe. This is your responsibility, these are your clothes, this is what you need to do for yourself.
4. She’ll dress you for how she wants you to look.
Some guys think that's a good thing, but it's not. She might be putting you in stuff that you don't feel comfortable or confident in, and you don't want that. She's going to change you over time and most of us men really don't want to be changed like that, right?
So, you have to put your foot down at some point and take control of this. And it's not necessarily anything that she's doing on her own. It's not necessarily her fault unless she's overly controlling about this, which I hope you don't have that situation. But, it's your turn to take control, and if you don't, you might lose some of yourself in this process eventually. You don't want to change unless you're changing for the better, and that's what I would do for you as your image consultant.
However, even if she does enjoy this process and likes having a role as your stylist, it's your responsibility as a man to at least understand how to dress yourself and understand the basics, because this will actually garner some respect from your woman. She'll love the fact that you’re taking control of this area of your life and it's going to make a huge difference in your relationship.
What to do about it:
1. Start getting out of your comfort zone by getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
This is all about baby steps. If you're not super comfortable with a new style or a garment, it’s ok. Just wear it for non-monumental occasions like errands, going out to a casual dinner/lunch or around the house to see how it makes you feel. Just try to get used to this this idea of a new style, and with time, you'll start to feel a little bit more confident.
2. Once you've reached that point of doing this on your own, you’ll be able to involve her in the process again.
When you’re shopping, you’ll narrow down what you like and then ask her opinion on those items. So, now you're getting her involved in the process on 1) a very high-level point of view, so she's not super involved, and 2) she's involved enough where it alleviates the feeling that she's doing everything for you and more like she's a partner.
At that point, she’ll be contributing stuff like, “oh like that tie” or “no, that color shirt doesn't really work for you.” You’ll then be able to use her feedback to decide on what you like already.
This is the process I actually have with my woman. She has good taste and she's very stylish too, so I trust her opinion. When I pick stuff out, I ask her from time to time, “hey, what do you think about this?”, and we work together on that becoming a fun activity between the both of us as a couple.
Once you’ve got a good grasp on these basics, you know you can go out shopping together from now on and you can both feel better about getting her opinion on your choices.
But the biggest and best part about this is you taking ownership, and that's really what I want for you. I just want you to be a guy who owns his sense of style, is independent and who doesn't rely on his woman to take care of him. I want you to be an extraordinary gentleman!
I don't want you to feel like you can’t go out there get some shopping done for yourself. Man, just get out there find some cool clothes, some stuff that you've always wanted to try out, but were too timid or not adventurous enough to! I hear guys say all the time, “oh, it doesn't work for me”, or “I couldn't pull that off”. Fuck it man, go try it! See if it works for you, and if you wear it for about a week or two and don’t like it, return it. If you like the way it looks on you, then you found a new item that you really like.
Just empower yourself with the opportunity to wear clothes that you may have not tried before.
Take this advice, put it into action for yourself and make things happen. If you still need help and you're in the LA area, you can hire me by giving me a call or contacting me here. I'd be more than happy to serve you and be your image consultant, because I could help you with your personal brand (defining colors, patterns, styles and fits that work best for your personality, body type, skin tone, hair color, etc), outfit development (building out your wardrobe as a visual reference guide), shop with you, help you with hair and facial hair styles, so your woman doesn't have to. Really empowering you with all these tools to help you be the extraordinary gentleman that you deserve to be.
Make the rest of today extraordinary,